Author Archives: Sally

About Sally

At TheLibraryBoss.com I help busy librarians polish their digital literacy super-powers so they can help their community flourish.

The perfect sky in your consensus reality is ripped

Read this article and more in Weve

By Zapata

In which Zapata! the people’s book bandito, rides again! But only until some little girl starts bawling and wants her My Little Pony back.

Warning. Choking Hazard. May include minor outtakes and other small parts from human frailties causing anxiety and irregular breathing patterns. Adults: seek children’s permission first before recognising yourself in these doomed vignettes and swapping hope for some kind of fear and self-loathing in Los Bibliotheca. If symptoms persist, consult your local guardian spirit.

Intro

Once upon a time.

There was you.

And then there wasn’t.

You.

The end.

 

Chapter 1. Tequila Sunrise or Sunset
(I can’t tell the difference much anymore)

Sweet Country Jesus Almighty! Who the $#@k let Leonard Cohen script the prologue?!?!?!

Oh, such a sad opening. So let’s put some cheer into our chit-chat. You get the tequila, I’ll get the glasses and then we can talk about that middle bit, that thing about “there was you”. Yes, let’s do that, because these ruminations can become a lonely path which is better walked by two. Don’t you agree amigo?

My, my, the things these World Wide Weary eyes have seen, the knowledge of lies I’ve accumulated by the ‘truths’ I’ve been told, all lead me to ask you to consider not waiting any longer to be bloody cordially invited to intentionally re-design your life.

So, yeah, I said, ‘Intentionally re-design’.

Cause all you’re doing at the moment is playing Survivor: Corporatocracy Island’ and it’s a pyramid scheme (quite literally if you take a peek at your library’s organisational chart, go on, I’ll wait) which is purposely designed (there’s that ‘D’ word again) to give illusions to the limited aspirations that your life has been pre-set to.

Better times ahead? You bet.

But first, you’re going to have to love yourself a whole lot more than you do now (because why bother saving a wretched soul, right?) And all God’s people said, ‘Amen’.

 

Chapter 2. ‘Octo’ Reduxo

When the Pony Express delivered the mystery envelope containing your old amigo Zapata’s instructions for his next Weve instalment, the Mingling Heroes wrote that they wanted something that related to the kinetic art, ‘Octo’ by Anthony Howe.

So this is the way I seez it.

The structure exudes design…fit for purpose (most definitely)…some might say outwardly attractive and even temporarily mesmerising… but ultimately… repetitive…whose joyfulness fades as it forever remains at the mercy of a force beyond its control.

WHAT WAS THAT?!?! Did I just hear someone scream from the darkest corner of this cantina ‘Ouch Zapata, you’re killing me! That’s my library career you’re describing!’

Sad but true amigo, although such despondency is simply your own life’s resignation writ large and it need not be so comrade.

Your design began with an explosive burst billions of years ago (“We are all star dust” Carl Sagan reminded us, ’Imaginauts’ travelling on a spaceship of imagination rushing around at 67,000 miles per hour) and your own grand designs need not be surrendered so meekly to a library cabal run under the auspices of a fading gentry infected with passive recidivism.

You.

Amazing, wonderful, ‘You’.

The only ‘You’ that this Universe will ever get to see.

Oh, the wonders ‘You’ could perform as a librarian.

And what about your purposeful design of those wonders?

What forces are you going to let close down all the possibilities of those design choices?

A ‘Job Description’?

An organisational disaster zone which still enforces the diktats of a failed business model introduced by short white men in suits over  a hundred years ago and is still in vogue, orchestrated by a largely meandering matriarchy?

Or maybe forgoing your star quality for anonymity instead, in the hope that you will be accepted into the ranks of mediocrity as a jolly good ‘team player’?*

*Hey baby, I know who’s wearing ‘False Positivism’ in the office today, the sensational new fragrance from FCUK EVRYBODY.

 

Chapter 3. Project You.
(In Which You Decide to Pick a Fight)

We have financial systems which enforce global serfdom and misery facilitating a pathway for the greedy to become ever more obscenely wealthy and fill their overflowing vaults with more. We have food industries which don’t actually make people healthier but rather, instigate disease and death, where industrialised killing starts in the slaughter houses but carries right on into our homes. We have entertainment industries which commoditise women so that mothers, daughters and sisters are all for sale, anytime, anywhere.

Oh, and let’s not forget too that we have a building sector which manufactures properties which insidiously kills their residents. Support services which don’t (support). Justice systems which can’t (provide protective justice for the victims of crime from further harm). And ‘democratic’ governments that will (maim and kill their own citizens when ‘Push comes to Shove comes to Profit’).

Then we have our very own public libraries.

Yip, they too are part of this giant web of ineptitude. Because everything is connected people.

In the Western World, these public institutions boast a mission which is to assist citizenry to achieve specific literacy goals (and in its multiple guises). To serve (and protect?) people, assuming the vanguard against what has been registered by many organisations worldwide as a massive, silent, epidemic, trapping people in cycles of poverty and ill health. It is a plague upon our land and you should know it by thy name: Illiteracy*

And yet, in this single, titanic struggle, public libraries are too, systematically floundering.

Less a Praetorian Guard and more a confederacy of dunces.

Behaviour which has been less ‘Almighty Thunder’, and more ‘Oops, Bloody Hell, Blunder’. Via a historical mosaic of fragmented design strategies, public libraries find themselves encumbered with archaic business models, redundant professional development schema, emaciated revenue supplies and a flagellant penchant for intellectual self-indulgences; all of which have combined to thwart the delivery of our ultimate, glorious achievement: the eradication of this hideous deformity upon human beings.

Put your hand up if you think that our current design and executions of purpose are beneficial, desirable or even preferable? What are you in the public library business for? Who the f**k allows this to happen?!

Listen up amigo, and listen up real good, the Bibliotheca Public is the library of the people, for the people, and – with you starring as the people’s representative – by the people. You dig what the cat Zapata is laying down for you here? Because it’s you, the librarian, while there’s some goddam breath in your body, who is going to save us from this apocalypse. Save is from, Literacy-Which-Is-Ill. How about we demonstrate some controlled panic, and seek to end this pestilence, thereby allowing decent people to live with integrity and dignity?

Yeah, you’re going to pick a fight and bloody win something back for humanity! And should you die in a blaze of glory with a burrito in one hand and an Alien ALH-9011 Handheld RFID Reader in the other then, well, that seems a fitting way for a bibliotecario rebel to go out.

So how’d you like them manzana?! (Hey you, in the darkest corner of the cantina, you still back there getting all this?)

Si, senor Zapata.’

 

Chapter 4. Making Meaning is the New Porn

The weapons for you to fight with have already been provided.

Oh, oh, oh, don’t tell me… elite wordsmithing taskforces have been convening and issuing monumental proclamations in your organisation about ‘Innovation’, ‘Creativity’, and ‘Making the Future Happen’ (sic) ad nauseam with perhaps the occasional ‘Revolutionary Thinking’ inserted, for years now. A continuous business cycle of vacuous declarations sprinkled by a self-effacing neo-feudal overlordship which actually believes its next annual release of 20 Solid Gold Bullshit Hits.

But what really matters, what really counts, was given to you, to all of us, a long, long time ago.

It was little more than the ability to be curious, and ask, ‘What if?

What if things were different – different BETTER – for people than from the way they are now?

What if I designed my life around giving it meaning through the pursuit of helping others find meaning in theirs.

That is true renegade thinking.

Not little-bit-cutesy-aww-Pikachu-feels-sad-levels of cube-farm rebellions, getting kicks from planning another maker space programme; not robotically crafted, impersonal press releases trumpeting our value to our communities by extending the borrowing period over the Christmas holiday period; and not by demonstrating a unique brand of ‘Customer Service’ through the fostering of improved revenue gathering schemes which make no contribution whatsoever to keeping the library operations above subsistence levels, yet cause harm to real people.

No, we’re talking Borg-menacing-planet-destroying-levels of meaning. And they won’t like it.

But being liked by civil servant power junkies is not what your life was ever meant to be about.

Okay, so, before all the doors slam shut on your professional energies, in some kind of obscene Get Smart opening sequence, design meaning into your version of your personal librariany talent; meaning above and beyond small-minded and perfunctory task fulfilment. Designing meaning for yourself and others lends itself towards the attainment of a level of self-determination and mastery which can alter that which only recently felt preordained.

Being recognised as some Voodoo High Priestess of a specific shelving area in your library should not sum up your life’s design.

You know, a very wise doctor – a Senor Seuss he went by the name of – once articulated, ‘Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.’

[Amigo in dark corner of the little cantina] ‘Hey Senor Zapata, It seems like you’re never going to bloody shut up so I’m going to leave now and I’m going outside. And Senor Zapata…I am going to walk against the wind. See you later amigo.’

[Zapata] ‘Si, see you later my brave little amigo. And may your pencils always outlast their erasers.

 

Outro

In the end, what does it all mean? Ha! We would need more a lot more tequila before we stumbled upon the likely answers to that question, friend. Hhmm, possibly, the song was right all along; the answer my fine amigo is blowing in the wind. Whoosh. Yes, just like that. Did you catch it? But what you can do, what we all must do, is live our library lives more urgently and DESIGN the hell out of them.

 

Postscript

Your Life.

A Consensus Reality.

Made in China.

Commoditised at 1 Hacker Way, Merlo Park.

Bankrupted at 700, 19th St NW Washington.

Pardoned at the Apostolic Palace, Vatican City.

 

*John Steinbeck wrote, “Learning to read is probably the most difficult and revolutionary thing that happens to the human brain and if you don’t believe that, watch an illiterate adult try to do it.”

What we have learned so far #nls7

Heroes Mingle began with an itch. We had a problem we wanted to solve. The choices we made and the paths we took were based on what interested us.

We weren’t trying to solve big, hairy, scary problems. We weren’t trying to please or imitate others. We were trying to solve our problem; that is to create professional development opportunities that excited US. We were the experts of our problem and ultimately the arbiters of our success. If you’re looking for somewhere to start, think about how you can scratch YOUR itches.

Own your journey. Be curious, creative and courageous. Think about what can go wrong and what can go right. Don’t succumb to the imposter syndrome and feel that others will out you for a fraud. Despite how you might feel, your perspective is valuable. Take advantage of the skills and experiences you do have to scratch your itch.

Being courageous is hard. Every now and again we need a wee nudge or a bit of reassurance. We have found these books have given us that nudge when we have needed one.

Set you own agenda and make something, just one small teeny tiny something happen. Contrary to popular opinion, small is just as good as big if not better. Because small is flexible, adaptable and controllable. Celebrate small successes! Maybe no-one else will notice. Maybe you don’t want anyone else to notice. It doesn’t matter. It’s your journey and no one else’s.

Whatever you do or don’t do, it is your choice. It is your legacy. Don’t sit around waiting for someone else to make the change you want to see. Do something that matters. We know you can.

The 7 beauties of project management

Read this article and more in Weve

There is an abundance of library literature that suggests we as librarians need to do better in raising our profile to those outside the profession. That we need to increase our visibility, and improve our marketing and communication so that others will truly realise the value of librarians and libraries.

We’ve heard it all before right? So why aren’t we doing it?

Why doesn’t the world already know that librarians are vital to a vibrant and growing organisation, economy and society?

Here’s what I think. Before we can sell the value of librarianship to those outside the profession, we need to do better at selling our work to ourselves. Because after-all if we, as individuals aren’t excited, enthralled and enthusiastic about our work, how can we expect others to be?
This article is not about the gantt chart, the schedule nor the budget. These are tools that project managers, good ones at least, use the world over. But these are only tools. They aren’t the work itself. They aren’t what makes us fondly recall a project we worked on two, five, or twenty-five years ago. Today I want to share with you seven ways to transform a typical library project into something that you will recall fondly; something that challenges you and excites you enough to be memorable.

1. Give Yourself Goosebumps
I know what you’re probably thinking … Goosebumps? At work? Me? With the projects I’ve got? YES.

Think about it this way. Your projects do not exist in a vacuum. EVERY project you’re currently working on contains the entire strand of your organisation’s DNA.

Manukau Institute of Technology Library had plans to turn one floor of the library into a learning commons. As a result, the serials collection needed to be moved onto the same floor as the rest of the collection.

Paula Martin and I were hired in a job-share arrangement to make this happen. We had job-shared together the previous three months on another project for the Library so we had some prior experience of working with each other, and Manukau Institute of Technology. The project began in February 2010 and needed to be completed 8 months later when the contract expired.
Moving collections to make space for other activities is a fairly common library project. And you probably can’t see how it could possibly give you goosebumps. Neither could Paula Martin and I.
We ruminated on this a while and altered the project from being ho-hum to goosebump-inducing. As we would need to weed both collections to make them fit, why not integrate all formats into one sequence? 

Students would be able to find more information in the same place. We couldn’t find any other NZ academic library that had done this. But we knew deep down that this was right. It gave us goosebumps. Implementing that dream created a ripple effect that altered the Library’s genetic makeup. It led to improvements in lending policies, staff workflows, relationships with teaching staff, and a myriad of other things. The overall project didn’t change – we were still moving the serials collection, but our approach to it did. Project Shift was born.

Why not tweak your project to give yourself goosebumps? Start with what would give you goosebumps and see what happens.

2. Sell the Sizzle
Selling and sales is largely neglected in both project management; and in libraries. Selling is not a dirty word. It means gaining support and supporters. And supporters are absolutely vital to the success of any project.

Sell the sizzle is about the beauty of the project through the eyes of the supporter, whether that is the advisory board, team member or end user. What is important to the supporter, what will it do for them, what problem will it solve, what benefit will they gain?

It’s less about the deliverables, the features, or the nuts and bolts of a project, and more about the story. Creating a compelling story that will quickly hook them, pique their interest and beg them to learn more.

Project Shift included a marketing and communications plan for library staff and academic staff and students.

Once again we spent a lot of time thinking about selling the sizzle and gaining supporters – because Paula and I definitely couldn’t do this on our own.

Our overarching message was “making information easier to find” which reinforced the benefit of deselection to academic staff, and highlighted the benefit of an integrated collection. Although this message was essentially an easy sell, it did require a lot of work to gain support and maintain momentum.

We attended every library team meeting, held discussion groups, unmeetings and blogged. We wrote articles for campus publications, and drafted key messages for the library leadership team to present at campus meetings.

In libraries, it may not be as effortless or as charismatic as Don Draper makes it out to be, but it can be done.

3. Dream With Deadlines
We have the dream, our goosebump project. Next we need a plan to achieve that dream. A map that we, and others can follow.

In the movie Sucker Punch Babydoll has been locked away against her will. Determined to fight for her freedom, she urges four other girls to band together and try to escape their terrible fate at the hands of their captors by revealing the map to freedom. Babydoll’s plan is pretty straightforward.

And the plan for Project Shift was also pretty straightforward. We only had three things to do – review the collection, move the collection, and tidy up the loose ends. And the Project definitely had deadlines.

With the majority of the work confined to semester breaks we really had no choice. We reassured library staff with regular communication and contingency plans to cope with the most likely delays.

For example, we allowed 7 weeks for consultation with lecturers, as this was our most likely scenario based on past projects of a similar nature. However, we also planned for our worst case scenario of 14 weeks and the effect that this would have on the schedule.

A dream with deadlines doesn’t need to be complicated. But having and following a plan alleviates stress, optimises productivity and reduces misunderstanding, confusion and conflict.

4. In Teams We Trust 

As I mentioned earlier, Paula and I couldn’t have done this on our own – we didn’t have the expertise or resources. We negotiated staff time and used their knowledge to guide our planning.

For example, based on our deselection criteria we selected a sample of 25 items to predict the percentage of items to be kept or withdrawn. The two most experienced subject librarians thought this was would provide a biased result and suggested we use another sample of 50 items. Based on this advice and despite the small sample size this method provided a reasonably accurate prediction [the sample test indicated we would withdraw 58% of all items we reviewed. In practice, we withdrew 62%, just a 4% difference.]

Trusting people to do the job they said they would do, and trusting their expertise are absolutely vital to a project’s success. Trust makes it easier to collaborate, solve problems, and produce backup solutions quickly.

5. Eyes On The Prize
When the end of a project is too far away to imagine it is easy to become distracted, unmotivated and disheartened. But in order to reach the end we need keep our eyes on the prize. We need to focus on the progress we make each day so we don’t become overwhelmed, just like Lisa Carrington, New Zealand Olympic Canoe hopeful does.

In Project Shift there were many instances where we were either spending too much time perfecting the details or becoming disheartened because tasks were taking much longer than anticipated.

As we checked progress against the schedule on a daily basis we were able to determine whether we had done enough, or needed to persevere and adjust timelines.

For example, in order to shift the collection without requiring additional shelving, we needed to remove 316 shelves or just over  10500 items. Our deselection criteria identified nearly 13000 items for removal.

Rather than attempt to evaluate and remove all 13000 items we focused on the prize of 10500 items and 316 shelves. As a result not all potential items were evaluated or processed. But our project did achieve the desired outcome.

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” Chinese Proverb

6. Toast Tiny Triumphs
Nothing gets you further in a project than recognition and appreciation, especially a project running on the smell of an oily rag as most library projects do.

And we all know that librarians + food = win. Paula and I made sure to celebrate whatever wins we had, as often as possible.

Aside from chocolate fish and shared lunches we also held ‘ripping parties’ to recycle books, recorded daily progress on the staff whiteboard, thanked people at team meetings, and shared the project triumphs with a wider campus audience. As one library staff member said “Rewards and feedback from the Project Team were great, makes one feel appreciated”.

How well, and how often do you show your appreciation? What harm could it do to include it in your project’s daily to-do list?

7. Keep Calm and Collected
It is not easy to keep your head about you when those around you are losing theirs. Projects are stressful enough without adding a panic attack, or emotional outburst. The world isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect, and project plans aren’t perfect. Something is likely to go wrong or an unanticipated event will occur.

The stress point for Project Shift was the shifting of the collection. Because not only were we shifting the collection, but we were also creating a new shelving layout and attempting to standardise the shelving at the same time. With a mix of imperial and metric shelving, end-posts of different heights and aligning logical breaks in Dewey with shelving bays you know how stressful this can be.

Our shelving plan hadn’t allowed for these (or many other important details such as room for more boxes at the end of serial runs) but it was enough to keep us from confusion and misunderstanding. It was enough to move over 40,000 books, 3000 serials, 3000 videos and dvds, dismantle and rebuild shelves within two weeks.

And that’s all we needed to do.

I don’t think librarians need to change what we do at all. Librarians will continue to work towards improving society through facilitating knowledge creation in our communities for many years to come. The difference will be in how we approach that work.

It won’t be easy, but as you no doubt know, nothing worth doing ever is. It will take time to consider new approaches to work when you’re so used to doing what you usually do. It will be daunting to step outside your comfort zone, at least the first time. But if you want to fondly remember your current project two or five years from now, you must do memorable work. And if you want others to know about the valuable work of librarians, you must be excited, enthralled and enthusiastic enough to share your work.

And now is the perfect time to start.

I encourage you to share your work with others. I ask that you think about how you can ‘sell the sizzle’ on your current project. And I implore you to find one other person, just one, who will encourage you, assist you, and support you in your work. They don’t need to work in the same team or in the same organisation but if you share the same dream of raising the profile of libraries and librarians outside the profession through your current project, it becomes so much easier to achieve it. And as a result it can only be as David Tua once famously said ‘O for Awesome’.

Career suicide: Let’s be frank

Read this article and more in Weve

Have you ever felt restricted from engaging in frank and open discussions about the library profession?

Have you ever felt if you publicly voice your opinion on professional matters you are at risk of compromising your job or future prospects?

We have and we know we are not alone.

In a profession that claims to value freedom of expression we don’t always feel safe raising issues for fear of committing career suicide.

It can be difficult to have honest conversations about how we, as library and information professionals, should address privacy, surveillance, the changing nature of technology, education and so many other issues faced by our communities and ourselves when the pervasive culture of the profession seems to be one of sticking our head in the sand expecting someone else to propose an alternative and then either responding with silence or publicly tearing their suggestion to shreds. Both of which ensure they and many observers, never say anything again.

However we don’t think it is intentional.

Most people have very little opportunity to have discussions or raise issues, so when someone asks or gives them an opportunity, they let it all out whether it’s relevant or not. This, in our view, is why most meetings tend to run over time and include so many unexpected discussions. We’ve been saving ourselves for that meeting.

Our traditional forms of professional communication don’t really help either. List-servs do not allow for anonymity (as far as we know) and as a result tend towards announcements rather than discussions.

If you are not a member of a professional association such as SLANZALIANZA or Te Rōpū Whakahau, you do not have the opportunity to raise issues in a regional, perhaps more collegial and supportive environment.

Yet the majority of people working in the industry do not belong to any professional association.

Who speaks for them?

Who asks them to contribute to the discussion?

How can their voice be heard?  
Heroes Mingle wants to make it easier for everyone in libraries to have their say in a safe anonymous environment. But we don’t know how best to go about it.

Ideally we’d love the library list-servs to allow for anonymous contributions so that we don’t need to sign-up or visit yet another page. But we don’t know if this is possible. We also think it would be cool to have a type of discussion forum so conversations are captured as threads and can be referred back to and commented on, rather than via clumsy email threads. But once again our experience is limited.

Perhaps you’re also interested in reducing the risk of career suicide and improving the profession at the same time.

If you are, get in touch with either Megan or Sally via heroesmingle@gmail.com.

Together we can work towards a solution.

The virgin smokes a cigar: The afterglow from 100 days of creativity

Read this article and more in Weve

Last year Paul showed me an article in the local suburban paper. It was an interview with Emma Rogan talking about the 100 days project – a small creative exercise, once a day for 100 days. I wanted to give it a try so I decided to write a short story (about 100 words) each day incorporating a randomly selected word from Afterliff: A new dictionary of things there should be words for. To seal the deal and to make sure I didn’t chicken out part-way through, I published my stories on my blog for all to see.

I’m the kinda gal who enjoys challenges. I’ve bungy-jumped in Queenstown, eaten haggis and presented in front of 500+ people.

Bungy-jumping is the scariest thing ever. Standing on a teeny tiny platform high above a rapidly flowing river, watching a teeny tiny inflatable boat waiting to haul you in, listening to an instructor telling you he’ll count you down but won’t push you, and at least 100 people watching stupid dicks like me pay to jump off a bridge. THAT is absolutely terrifying.

So terrifying that the instructor counted me down twice and I still didn’t jump. I took sadistic pleasure in knowing he couldn’t push me. Hah! I hyperventilated, I visualised myself celebrating at the end like they tell you to do when you try something for the first time, and still I didn’t jump.

And then after I’d got all that out of my system (not because the instructor told me if I didn’t jump soon he was going to untie my legs and I’d have to walk back across the bridge where everyone could see me), I jumped. I screamed. I survived (I’ve got it on video if you don’t believe me).

I’m not afraid of challenges; but stepping over that point of no return, feeling the fear, imagining all the things that could go so horribly wrong, trying not to cry? THAT is bloody scary.

Stepping over the point of no return with this project was no exception. I fretted about putting it on my blog in such a public space. I fretted about writing stories that other people would think were lame. I fretted about whether I could stick it out for 100 days. Do you know how long that is? Do you? I fretted about everything. But in the end my enthusiasm triumphed over my fear. I started. I continued to fret for 100 days. I was anxious about every story. I had an adrenaline rush with every story.

I hated each word and I loved every word. I am in awe of novelists. If I had known just how hard it is to tell an engaging story that captures the reader’s interest I would never have started.

Knowing the basic mechanics helped. Sort of. A beginning, middle and end provided a structure to help the story flow; while I desperately tried to convey atmosphere, use witty repartee and build intricate worlds. It may have been possible under different conditions but I couldn’t do it. in a way that satisfied me, within a 24 hour turnaround. Alas, I settled for capturing a brief moment in a character’s life.

The word for Day 1 was mastrils (pl.n alarming or unconventional pets such as ferrets or anacondas). It took, oh about, 23 hours to get this story written and thanks to Entertainment Tonight and the eccentricities of Hollywood celebrities it came together in a piece inspired by Paris Hilton.

Just another manic monkey
“That stupid *bleeep* monkey just bit me!” Clarice screamed. 

“Clarice’s cute collection of mastrils has accompanied her on the red carpet many times. But just how dangerous are Clarice’s exotic pets? Our reporter Juan Rodriguez is at the hospital now. Juan what can you tell us?”

“Kelly, Clarice was rushed to hospital earlier today after her monkey, Princess, supposedly went crazy and bit her on the leg. Doctors are treating Clarice for suspected rabies but it’ll be at least ten days before we know for certain if Clarice is in the clear. Meanwhile, celebrity pet therapist, Fleur Thiel has spoken to Princess and says Princess is adamant she doesn’t have the rabies virus.”

Writing stories about Hollywood celebs was not something I could have predicted I would write about, but funnily enough none of the stories were. They all delightfully surprised me. The scenes I rehearsed in my head never quite worked out the same on paper. In my head I imagined sweeping cinematic movie trailers, while on paper they morphed into Secret Santa.

The most powerful artifact in all of accounting
I pull a piece of paper out of the hat and look at the name written on it. Curtis. I smile with relief.

This is my first Christmas at Grey Chapman Chartered Accountants and I was worried I’d get one of the partners who I don’t really know very well. Curtis is a big Lord of the Rings fan so it should be easy enough to find a Secret Santa gift for him.

At lunch time I pop out to the $2 shop to see what I can find and voilà, there it is. The One Ring, soon to be re-labeled as The Eakring* – the Greatest of all the Rings of Power and the most Powerful Artifact in all of Accounting. Perfect.

*A token of undying thrift.

Using random words from Afterliff: the new dictionary of things there should be words for, caused more than a few stunned mullet moments. I oscillated between using the word to set the plot or using the word in a small part of the storyline. I think some of my best stories were stories that just happened to contain the word of the day.

Invasion of the body snatchers
Troesel, Thelina and Turnich have been assigned a three week reconnaissance mission. After advising the three Alphabeasts of the importance of remaining undetected, the Dolphbot lets them choose their Earthling hosts.

Two weeks later: There have been several reports of unusual communications between John Key, Winston Peters and Kim Dotcom.  It is alleged that the three have been secretly meeting to discuss a new future together. When questioned, all three vehemently deny such allegations. David Cunliffe remains ab lench*, as usual.

Three weeks later: The Alphabeast Commander awards Turnich the highest honour for his successful invasion of David Cunliffe’s body.

*Not up for anything much, really: The opposite of ‘gung-ho’. 

Death by a thousand cuts
So many words have been taken from us. Removed from human consciousness and lost forever. The number of blank spaces in printed material is growing day by day and soon we will witness the slow death of our conversations.

I stand at the big hulking machine and wait for it to spit out the next word that I must erase. I am being punished for my insolence but I have not been broken, yet. Tomorrow I will give my daughter a birthday present she alone will remember. I will give her the word ‘wyre piddle*’ and she will keep it alive within her.

*A small child with its shoes on the wrong feet.

About two dozen people unsubscribed from my blog within the first week of 100 Days of Creativity. I fretted. Were my stories that bad? Should I only post ‘library stuff’? What if others left? And then about two dozen people subscribed to my blog within the second week of the project. They weren’t ‘library types’, they were ‘writer types’.

I fretted again. By Day 30, I was over it. Whatever you do, whatever happens people will judge you. Yes, it worried me.  But it didn’t stop me because there were others who silently supported my effort, or commented on stories that resonated with them, or like Steph and Sabine generously suggested plot ideas during a creative slump.

It’s moments like these
The inside was just as Bine imagined most high school reunions to look like. Awkward. ‘Bine, is that you? It’s so great to see you!’ Bine smiled and gave Tessa a hug. Steph gave Bine an odd look and unsuccessfully tried to catch her eye as the two began talking like they were the best of friends, not her and Steph. 

During a pause in the conversation, Bine had a rackwallace* moment. She turned to Steph with a look of horror. This wasn’t Tessa, this was Charlotte. The Charlotte who pushed her into the diving pool where she floundered before being rescued by the lifeguard. ‘Gotta go’ said Bine, dragging Steph with her. 

*The awful realisation that the person you’ve been talking to all this time is not who you thought they were.

Fact checking and background research for a story of just 100 words might seem like overkill but I did want to make sure I had the story straight, if at all possible. And the things you learn!

True love
Recoiling in disgust when you realise you’ve drunk from an eccup* could be rendered obsolete by scientists who are confident that people will soon be able to replace lost teeth by growing new ones,’ says the TV health reporter. 

Eeeeww! Sounds like a mad scientist

‘…Tests have shown the technique to work in mice, where new teeth took weeks to grow. “We’re confident it will work in humans,” said Professor Deekay…’

experiment gone wrong. Even though I’m looking forward to growing old with you Duncan, I’d rather have you gummy than watch you grow new teeth,’ said Rachael to her husband who didn’t hear a word she said.

*The mug that nobody uses because Grandad once kept his false teeth in it.

Despite all the angst, grumbling and frustration I am ecstatic with the stories I wrote. I didn’t think I could come up with a new story every single day for 100 days. I didn’t think I had 100 stories in me.

There were lots of stories that could have been better and one I didn’t like at all (but oddly enough others did). I don’t think I’m very good at creative writing but I know I’m better than I was. Plus, I’ve got a lot of raw material to work with now.

“Taking a new step,uttering a new word,is what people fear most.” Fyodor Dostoevsky